Use Two Minute Visualizations of saying Specific Skill Starter Statements to Specific People.
To create a new communication habit do the following. Spend at least 2 minutes visualizing yourself saying one skill starter statement over and over again with a specific person regarding a specific concern. To be effective do this for at least two minutes. Do this again with different skill starter statements, people, and concerns. Modify the skill starter statement as desired to fit the situation. Too many people spend more time learning a simple card game that they ever spend in their entire lives learning better communication skills. Take some time to change your life. Learn to use more skills. Write down your success stories.
Get the CommunicateForever App to: Learn more about these skills and their descriptions. View related dialogs. View discussion questions. View comments and stories and dialogs that users have placed in CommunicateForum public forums. Create a private Forum for your family or company or organization. Take the Emotional Intelligence survey, and the Frequency of Use survey, to repeatedly create better private scores over time.
Skill starter statements:
- (For you to say to yourself) “What’s happening? What communication skill can I use?”
- (For you to say to yourself) “I’ll change what I’m thinking about and focus on something that helps me feel better.”
- “Thank you for telling me what you think. Would you also please tell me how you feel?”
- “May I tell you how I feel? Holding in my feelings can make things worse.”
- “I can’t make you happy. But I can show you how I care by how I respond to whatever’s going on.”
- “Being honest tells you that I really care.”
- “May we do a Do Over?”
- “May I please make a suggestion?”
- “I feel uncomfortable. May we talk?”
- “I feel upset. Maybe I’m afraid of something.”
- “I know we’ve just met, but I have a reservation.”
- “I’ve been thinking about something. May I make a request?”
- “I think we’ve been here before. This may be a pattern. May we talk about it?”
- “Let’s call a Time Out and set a Time-In to get back to this later.”
- “Would you please not call me that label. I can’t change a label. Instead, please suggest an action I can change.”
- “May we talk about what you just said? Maybe it’s an incorrect assumption?”
- “May I tell you what I assume you might be feeling?”
- “May I tell you what I assume you may be thinking?”
- “May I briefly make a suggestion?”
- “May I summarize what’s been said?”
- “Is your sarcasm helping this conversation?”
- “I can’t fix the past. Where do we go from here?”
- “Would you please tell me what you heard me say?”
- “This feels confusing. Let’s try to focus on just one problem at a time.”
- “You’re really upset about this.” (or scared, angry, grieving, envious, lonely)
- “I think you might feel uncomfortable about this.”
- “Would you please tell me what you think I’m feeling about this?”
- “This conversation is getting difficult, but don’t worry. We are okay. This is a safe place.”
- “I feel uncomfortable. May we talk about something else?”
- “May I tell you what I understand you are asking for?”
- “Thank you for asking, but what you are asking for is not what I want to do.”
- “Am I always that way?” “It will never change? Is this really the situation forever?”
- “What can we do now to help this situation?”
- “Our relationship is important. Let’s set regular times to talk about how we’re doing.”
- “Let’s keep a journal about what works and doesn’t work for us.”
- “Thanks for telling me what you’re thinking and feeling. Do you want some feedback?”
- “We have been struggling with this for quite a while. Let’s get a coach or a counselor.”
- “Let’s practice these skills in different ways.”
- “I’ve heard I’m the creator of my own life. Can that really be true?”
- “I’d like to feel free to discuss this situation.”
A story: Person A asked a significant friend to join in using many of these skills. The friend said, “Those are your skills. I don’t need to use your skills.” Over the coming years Person A used many of the skills in a casual easy way, without saying “I’m now using a communication skill.” Their communication got better and better. They are still loving friends.
Another story: An 80 year old engineer did not express his feelings very frequently. Almost never. His son began to fairly frequently express his father’s feeling for him in a simple casual conversational manner. After a few years his father began expressing his own feelings much more frequently. They grew closer together as the years went by.
Please share your stories: Feel free to create your own stories and a few of your dialogs, and upload some of them to specific skills in our public forums. Or register your Family, Company, Spiritual Organization, School, etc. and create a Private Forum for your family or fellow associates.