During a conversation that people are having, a coach may ‘interrupt’ with requests to help the conversation move forward more smoothly. The interruptions are not intended to influence whatever decisions or solutions the individuals wish to implement.
- “Stick to the hear-and-now. Your feelings at the moment carry the most impact.”
- “Please turn to me for a minute and we’ll have a non-secret huddle.” Here the coach openly assists a person to more effectively say what they want to say, or continue forward and not give in or give up so easy, or ask for a do-over, or use any number of skills, if that’s what the person really wants to do.
- “Tell them what you feel about how they are responding to what you are saying. This brings them into the conversation.”
- “You seem to have a reservation. If that is true, you may want to simply say, “I have a reservation”, or “I feel uncomfortable about something.”
- “That statement may be an assumption instead of a fact. You may want to ask, “May we please discuss your statement? Might it be an assumption instead of a fact?”
- “If not absolutely sure, consider presenting what you want to say not as facts, but as guessing, hunches, or hypotheses.”
- “He seems like he’s getting fairly angry. You could acknowledge what you observe he is feeling such as, “You’re really angry about this aren’t you?”
- “Express your real feelings in a real way. ‘Imaging’ is dropping comments to make yourself look important or accomplished.” Being honestly real is the most effective way to connect and create trust and have others express their feelings. Do this first before your ‘imaging’ creates distrust or false impressions.
- “You’re mind reading, making assumptions about his thoughts. You may want to rephrase what you just said.”
- “It is good to be tactful, but not falsely accommodating.”
- “If you have some doubts, check them out directly.”
- “You’ve introduced a new subject. It’s important. I suggest you write that down and so you can get to it later. It’s hard to solve one problem when discussing multiple subjects.”
- “Simple truth is much less harmful than elusive evasions and accommodations that masquerade as tact. What would you really like to say?”
- He just labeled you. You may want to say, “I can’t change that label. Instead, is there an action I can change? Something I can do differently that might help?”
- He doesn’t seem to be hearing you. You may want to ask him to tell you what he thinks you might be feeling.
This list will become longer. Other comments or interruptions that a coach can make may be based on most any of the CommunicateForever skills.