At a party, a friend of mine introduced me to Harry. Harry was a well built, tall and handsome guy. After a formal handshake he went and sat with his friends and started chatting with them. He seemed to be a person everyone wants to be friends with.
I felt like I wanted to know more about him and to be friends with him. Just when I was about to start a formal conversation with him, John, a friend of mine unknowingly stepped on his foot and some wine from his glass spilled on Harry’s clothes.
“I’m sor…” ~John.
“Can’t you see I am sitting here! You stepped on my foot and spoiled my clothes. Do you keep your eyes closed while walking?” -came a quick, harsh reply from Harry even before John could complete his sentence. With anger-filled eyes and knitted brows, Harry was continuously staring at John as if he had committed the biggest sin on earth.
Anyway, the things were sorted out and the situation cooled down.
This isn’t a rare phenomenon. We often meet people who find it difficult to control their anger or express it in the right way. Most of us struggle with the problem of dealing with anger.
Each person develops his own way of dealing with his anger- some just hide it inside, some burst out with their anger on others, some find other ways to express it and some become completely violent to the point of being destructive.
But have you ever thought what is the best way of dealing with anger?
When angry, count to ten before you speak; if very angry, a hundred. — Thomas Jefferson
Most of us are familiar with the ‘delaying’ technique of dealing with anger. The sole reason behind the technique is to give people some time to think about the consequences of their deeds. The idea is to cool yourself down before you react. To let the moment ‘pass’.
People with anger issues don’t think before acting or making a harsh statement and hence, end up hurting their loved ones and worsening their relationships. Spoken words can never be taken back and so we must always think twice before speaking. But when in anger, most of us fail to think and get caught up in the moment. Our mind becomes blocked and prevents us from thinking clearly.
People deal with anger in various ways…
Those of us who feel they are managing their anger in the best way by hiding it and not letting it out are unaware of its adverse health effects. Several types of research has proved that hiding anger inside can increase the risk of several life-threatening diseases like heart attacks and depression.
This is the ‘passive aggressive’ case of anger issues. People feel that they are doing the right thing by hiding their anger within their system and slowly, it eats away at them.
Active aggression builds up on the inside and bursts out like a volcano without a warning. When this angry volcano bursts, all who are caught in the range end up suffering.
The one who bursts out may feel relaxed for a moment, but that is a mirage. Anger works up your system and ‘rage’ leads you to lose all sense of reason as long as it lasts. Almost 99% of all violent crimes are reported to be committed in a ‘fit of rage’.
With this aggressive attitude, people ruin their relationships and start losing friends.
Getting rid of it, the best way!
The above approaches to anger management are unhealthy and ultimately lead to suffering. The perfect way of dealing with your anger is to express it in a healthy way.
We need to understand the root cause of anger and resolve it effectively. Several exercises and techniques can help in reducing the negative ways in which you feel and express anger.
A friend makes a harsh statement about you in front of a group of people. It could worsen the situation and your friendship if you react the same way. In such cases, it becomes important to learn the correct way of expressing the anger. This should be treated as a sign of his/her exhaustion rather than taking it personally.
You see, the idea is to understand the underlying emotion to your friend’s anger. It is also important to express both your feelings in a better way. When you communicate in a better way, you are able to express without anger, what is bothering you.
There are several other techniques that can help you manage your anger in the correct manner. Many such courses are available on the internet that are either free or easily affordable. The thing is, a lot of them don’t capture the essence of the problem and how to better deal with it.
Communicate Forever is an app based communication course that can help you learn anger management via interesting videos and stories. It is a collection of forty-eight communication skills that are intrinsic to personal, social and emotional growth.
The skills are unique and easy to learn. You just have to download the Communicate Forever App from the App stores and get started!
What’s more, it comes with a workbook for your learning and practice. Be it an individual, family, school, college, company or organization this course is beneficial for everyone.
The forty-eight skill set includes skills likes anger and conflict management, tips on building a strong relationship and a functional family, parenting advice etc. Take the course, learn the skills, put them into practice- and you will surely find yourself improving day by day. The results you get are improved relationships, better personality, great communication skills and a lot more! Just give it a try to be better!